I had admitted I was alcoholic. I believed in God. I drank twice while a member of Alcoholics Anonymous - once for thirteen months and once for ninety days. Only after the second relapse did I fully realize that I had to make a choice. As the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn't. WHAT WAS OUR CHOICE TO BE?"
Early on I chose - God is everything. When I made that choice I had no idea of the power of the human instinct, how pervasive it is and how difficult it would be to turn from my nature and to live in the will of God. The second relapse brought me to a state of reasonableness in which I clearly saw that the surrender had to be absolute. In Bill's Story in the "Big Book" it says "Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all." What will you chose - He is and He is everything or the nothingness which envelops one in the darkness?
Written by Armand
Although my family/school/church training centered on a God-directed life, I always felt unable to live up to that "must". In fact, I ran the other way. My only "musts" were self-centered, selfish, dishonest and grandiose. Alcohol became my way out of what became the prison of personal bondage. No exit. Finally, when my knees were buckled in alcoholic suffering, I conceded to my innermost self that I was an alcoholic. Almost immediately, the doors of AA opened for me; I hopefully stepped up the stairs instinctively trusting the people and the process. By integrating all Twelve Steps into my life, I found The Power Within me which I know today to be everything. I understand what a vital spiritual experience is. It is my life. I have made the choice. I have the answer.
ReplyDeleteMichael funny isn't it that our faith seemed nebulous until we met The Lord through the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous...Thank you...Armand
DeleteArmand,
ReplyDeleteGood morning,
"Will power does not work." I once stopped drinking & using for a period of around 90 days. At that time, I had neither found the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, nor did I have a God of my understanding. It was inevitable, just a matter of time and I drank again.
It wasn't until I was at the bitter end and had only 2 choices. I elected to take the second one, which was to accept spiritual help. I finally was able to fall on my knees and ask God for help. Today I remain grateful that I chose that path.
Thanks and have a safe 4th of July holiday.
Sid P
Sis if we are to recover in the way that is necessary we all have to make that choice. It is in that choice that we all become brothers and sisters...Thank you...Armand
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ReplyDeleteHaving been brought to my knees through my own foolish efforts many years ago, I have discovered that any further attempts at even “sober" self reliance are now pure acts of insanity. Yes, a life lived free from the slavery of alcohol is indeed a very brief proposition when I linger too long at the precipice of Step Three while continuing to entertain those same thoughts, behaviors and lifestyle choices that precipitated my demise.
I was then as now left with a final frightful choice, for the 12 step program of AA tells me there is only one way to bridge the gap to the "Father of Light" who was and is the only true path to freedom and the serenity that follows. But who is this God and how would I know for sure that He will even hear me? After all, It is one thing to believe in God and quite another to make a decision to surrender to His absolute sovereignty. For some, the living testimony of their sponsor and fellows is enough. For others a little investigation into the history and practices of the founders will be essential and will clearly reveal that the miracle of regeneration they experienced, the strength they received, and the hope they conveyed to those still suffering is hidden in plane sight on almost every page of the very book they used before their personal testimony contained in the Big Book was ever published. That book is the Bible and the Gospel of Mark 9: 14 - 29 holds the answer..
For here we find a frantic father, desperately seeking relief for his demonized son. Not only out of the immense love for his son but no doubt to also be freed from the constant burden that caring for such an individual requires. No doubt he sought every local logical source of human and spiritual ingenuity available to effect a cure. All to no avail. He hears of the miraculous works of Jesus, a furtive hope is kindled, he sets out into the wilderness. But hopes are dashed as Christ's own disciples are impotent against the author of his sons's beastly captivity .
Jesus arrives on the scene, questions the father who relates his desperation, the failure of His disciples to effect a cure, then pleads "Have mercy on us and help us if you can." "If I can?" Jesus asked. "Anything is possible if a person believes." The father's heart laid bare by that reply instantly cries out "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!" He laid his innermost need bare before the Master. He asked for a miracle to take him over the mountain of his own unbelief and... It was provided. Jesus cast out the Demon and the son was restored to full health. In that instant, the fathers willingness to surrender all of his instant and future fears, hope's and dreams to God transformed into saving faith as they both became living testimony of what the world at large considers impossible.
He, like I, had no idea of what to expect, only that having tried all other manner of "cures" I finally became willing to acknowledge my true need and reach out in desperation to a Hand unseen whose promise of recovery was still in my mind an improbable myth. However, this I did and my obsession for alcohol and the diseased thinking of a chronically alcoholic mind was removed as far as the east is from the west and so it has been for the past 34 years. My willingness, born of a final desperation, opened the door to receive His amazing grace.
It matters not how we come to the Mercy Seat. All that matters is that we are willing to come.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic I came as I had no where else to go...Thank you...Armand
DeleteGod either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be? This is the Second Step Choice. When I have the privilege of taking other men through the Big Book we carefully consider this choice, along with the earlier Second Step Question-- Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself? Because Step Two follows Step One I have yet to meet anyone who does not answer in the affirmative. I know I did, with all the desperation of a drowning man. We alcoholics are lucky because we get to live two lives in one lifetime. After a lifetime run on Self will, I was more than ready for my new life run on God's will.
ReplyDeleteDan love when you wrote 'two lives in one lifetime...Thank you...Armand
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