In the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it states, "The first requirement (in taking the Third Step) is that we be convinced that any life run on self will can hardly be a success. Remember that we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power - that One is God. May you find Him now!" It also says "Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles... So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making...and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness... And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid."
We have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that we have three basic instincts. These instincts are God given and necessary for life, but in me I can never get enough of what it is I think I need. The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as "a bodily need manifested in our thought process." What occurs for us as an alcoholic is our instincts manifest themselves in our thought process and trigger our self-centered fear. We learned through the program that alcohol is but a symptom of OUR TRUE MALADY. Any addiction is such. OUR TRUE MALADY is self-centered fear: afraid that we are not going to get what we want, afraid that we will lose what we have. Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts. The only problem is that in us we can never get enough of what it is that we think we need, then we run around chasing our tails creating havoc in our lives - but more importantly, havoc in the lives of everyone around us. This is the functioning piece of alcoholism.
As an alcoholic we have a compulsive need to defend our basic human instincts, often to an extreme. This manifestation of our character defects is a result of our self-centered fear that permeates our lives. Alcohol is but a symptom of OUR TRUE MALADY. OUR TRUE MALADY is SELF-CENTERED FEAR.
Written By Armand
Written By Armand
If there are two words which define the genesis of my actions in life, they are fear and love. Everything else cascades from these two opposing forces. Fear identifies the problem and love identifies the solution. The question becomes which is the stronger force. The answer is driven by which of these two opposing forces I enable to direct my life on a daily basis. For me, it has only been by integrating all Twelve Steps into my life in such a way that they have become my life that love has always proven to be the answer. The program of recovery instills in me the necessity and value of "living in the moment." It is there and only there that I am capable of giving and receiving the only solution.
ReplyDeleteMichael Bill says "simple not easy, it meant destruction of self."...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteThanks for Sharing Armand,
ReplyDeleteAs I've written previously, self centered fear and pride, together with covetousness exquisitely describe the motive force that propels every person who is absolutely inwardly convinced that the entire known universe was uniquely and exclusively created just for them. Yet, a casual glance at the world at large confirms that these regrettable characteristics are not the exclusive estate of the Alcoholic mind. Even the most sober minded and spiritual among us suffer the cravings of misdirected appetites from time to time and any denial of our true condition is the primal delusion that must be rooted out and tossed into the pit from which it originated. it is a core spiritual state that cannot even be recognized let alone overcome without Devine intervention. One of the greatest saints who ever lived wrote of this nearly 2000 years ago and I'll defer to the problem he identified and the solution he discovered.
Romans 7: 14 - 24
"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
This gratefully recovering alcoholic has painfully proven in the past that even when I inwardly agree that the course I choose will ultimately lead to self destruction I will still "throw the dice" as my appetites demand hoping for a better outcome; and that my friend is insanity... Simple knowledge of my condition is of no avail until I fully accept that I'm completely, utterly and constitutionally incapable of overcoming my own will and, any self powered effort in that direction is tantamount to placing a hair net over the space shuttle with the expectation of preventing the launch.
Today I pray, dear God I respond now to Your invitation. You have called me to place into Your capable hands the trials and tribulations within me and about me. Help me to turn my cares over to You, and to rest in the assurance that Your solutions are greater than my problems. Give me a clear head and a trusting heart as I press onward on the path You have marked before me. You are the only one who can enter the tomb to breathe life into the fetid state of a long dead soul and provide a Damascus Road meeting with the Author of Light. Help me to continually uncover the peace, serenity, assurance and agapē love that is the immutable fabric of a life lived in the arms of You, my Savior and Lord who is and was and is to come.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic