Thursday, February 1, 2018

Motivation To Complete Step Nine

 The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends.  Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in our past.  We attempt to sweep away the debris that has accumulated out of our effort to live on self will and run the show ourselves.  If we haven't the will to do so, we ask until it comes (a ninth step prayer).   Remember, it was agreed upon at the beginning that we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol."  It was difficult for me to find the person to share my Fourth Step with and to share the exact nature of my wrongs with God.  However, I did, and in doing so I found a sense of relief through the power of  forgiveness.  Coming to Step Nine of the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous was somewhat daunting, yet easier, as I then had the experience of God on my side.   The Fifth Step brought a sense of relief - the beginning of a serene life. For the first time since I was a small boy I felt the presence of God in my life.  I knew then that sobriety by itself was not enough, that I desired to be recovered.  I knew that the solution was and is a vital spiritual experience and having a relationship with God in whom I trust. Therefore, I had plenty of motivation and desire to adopt the humility necessary to make amends to the people I had harmed - Step Nine.

          I learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous not to consider any harm that had been done to me. Besides, it was much easier to do so at that point as I was praying for and forgiving those on my list.  In the Big Book it states, "Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue.  Simply we tell them that we will never get over our drinking until we do our utmost to straighten out the past.  We are there to sweep off our side of the street realizing that nothing worthwhile can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell them what they must do."

          This is how I approached the Ninth Step.  I began with my immediate family. Life is funny -things don't always occur in what is perceived and assumed as the proper sequence.  My father had passed before I had any consciousness that I owed him an amends.  I went to his grave and grieved over his death and our life together.   My mother was having serious cognitive problems and, although I was able to make a verbal amends to her, the amends came as she was sinking deeper into her illness and when I was actually able to care for her.  My sister, who was shocked in my attempt to make amends to her, could only say, "Really? Really?!"  And on it went.  To those I could not see and to those that did not want to see me I sent a sincere and complete letter and prayed for the best for them.  It became easier as I moved through the list.
 
          In the Fifth Step I began to feel serenity and, now with the tasks of the Ninth Step complete, I have extricated myself through the grace of God from the past - I was free, maybe for the first time in my entire life.

Written by Armand

6 comments:

  1. The Big Book states that "we feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough." That exact type of mental prestidigitation kept me from the full bounty of the program of recovery for far too long. What is the purpose of the true self-search if I am to be self-short-circuited by my not-fully-addressed defects of character of which skillfully skating around the core issue is one - a major one. Today, my motivation is to not have to do another Step Nine by virtue of living my life within the context of The Big Book Twelve Step way of life. Over time (time takes time) "cleaning up my side of the street" has turned my side of the street into the "broad highway of the universe." Permanent sobriety and a contented, peaceful life is the goal The Third Step tells us is achievable if we incorporate all Twelve Steps into our lives. In The Ninth Step, I have to become completely clean in order to become completely clean. In my experience, nothing short of that will do. That just seems to be the way it is with us.

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    1. Michael. love "I have to become completely clean to become completely clean."...Thank you...Armand

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  2. Armand,


    Step Eight was the touchstone to this step as an overwhelming sense of grief, married a profound desire to clear the carnage left in the "wake" of that previously acknowledged misspent life. As I contemplated my victims I was immersed, for that moment, in the heart of God. No words were said, nor could ever convey the pain I felt in the presence of injured spirits and innocent lives still suffering the emotional scars of every malignant encounter. Step Nine is an incredible gift. The undeserved privilege of being a partaker in the ministry of healing that God would provide to others as He sought to heal the last scars that I, in my selfishness, had carved into the fragile spirits of far too many lives.

    Those who were near, gradually experienced refreshment after a sincere confession, restitution and a newly consistent display of love, value and respect for their unique personhood. Others, He placed on my heart in preparation as He miraculously brought us together. This is truly a journey that need not take a lifetime to complete. However, If done in a yet-to-be-excised self centered spirit, It will become become the greatest single impediment to the freedom and healing power contained in Step Ten and beyond...

    A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic

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    1. A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic a life that includes an openness and a willingness to make a sincere amends is a life free of the bondage of self....Thank you...Armand

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  3. Matthew 5:23-24: So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

    These are the words of my God as I understand Him. What I hear is the 9th Step. I can't interpret it any other way. The pure genius of Step 9 is to give me a clear pathway to an opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with my creator. I can't do that until the amends are sincerely made, with the best effort I can make at the appropriate time to others I had harmed. I need to remove the log from my own eye by asking for forgiveness so I can enjoy the beauty of my Lord.

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    1. Jim step Nine comes before Step Eleven for a reason. You articulated it well...Thank you...Armand

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