I have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that I have three basic instincts: a social, a sexual and a security instinct. These instincts are God given and necessary for life, but in me I can never get enough of what it is I think I need. The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as, "a bodily need manifested in our thought process.".
Through the twelve steps I have learned that alcohol is but a symptom of our true malady - our true malady being self-centered fear. We are afraid that we are not going to get what we want and that we are going to lose what we have. Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts, but we can never get enough of what it is we think we need. We are then left running around, chasing our tails, creating havoc in our lives but, more importantly, havoc in the lives of everyone around us. This malady of self-centered fear is the functioning piece of alcoholism and any other ism.
The solution to the disease of addiction is a vital spiritual experience. We must give life to our relationship with God. How? By letting go of our human nature so our thought process is no longer propelled by our instincts, but rather by the will of God through inspiration,
Written by Armand
What havoc self-centered fear can cause! The havoc of a miserable chaotic life regardless of the beauty that may surround it. By "functioning" as an alcoholic I was simply a dead man walking. Careless,reckless, joyless, soul-less, godless, lifeless. Yes, I had a family, a home, a job, a car but I was unable to participate in the comfort or pleasure of anything. My spirit was dead as I sought spirit from spirits. On my knees I learned to concede to my innermost self that I was an alcoholic and a deeply-troubled, barely-human being. AA saved my life from physical death, and the Program of Recovery led me to the vital spiritual experience necessary to become the person I was created to be. Alcohol was the instrument of my personal near-death awakening. The Big Book, the incorporation of The Twelve Steps into my daily life, the guidance of a knowing sponsor, and the awareness of The Power Within me enabled me to achieve the ultimate wholeness in the functioning of recovery - to give it all away.
ReplyDeleteMichael A recovered alcoholic is one who has become the human being God created them to be regardless of what others may think. When ones thought process is propelled by the will of God rather than their human instincts, they will know peace. God's will for each of us is personal between us and God. As my sponsor says when others tell you what God's will is for you, run as fast as you can from that person...Thank you...Armand
DeleteThis Comment Is From A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
ReplyDeleteYes, I lived out that hyper exaggerated delusional belief in my own importance. I justified every unrestrained journey into my God given appetites with unholy zeal. I deliberately left God out of the equation. I was a hollow, walking, talking bottomless layer of gilt and shame terrified by the ever-present fear of having my true self discovered and inner "daemons" exposed. There was... no good in me to be found. To be honest, there was no me at all. Just a self created caricature, a mere bundle of personas alternately exercised to gain acceptance and ultimate possession of the person, place or thing I craved.
Yet, the effects of God's presence were everywhere and all about me. In overheard conversations, the random kindness of a stranger, witnessed displays of true love and affection, a baby's furtive glance. That was the life I craved in fleeting moments of sanity.
It was the impossible desire of becoming a part of that world that finally drove me to my knees and the Ultimate Author of that vision. I finally began to apprehend the radical change encountered in "How it Works." I asked for His protection and care with complete abandon and as I laid that wretched life before Him, all the accumulated gilt and shame of 37 years fled into infinity... And miraculously, in its place, in this heart of a still very imperfect man, now resides the very Holy Spirit of God. The memory of that first encounter is as fresh in my mind as it was some 29 years ago. Today, I'm strangely thankful I discovered alcohol and the inevitable misery it brings. Without it, I would never have walked through the doors and into the fellowship of AA. I would have never encountered the Steps that lead to the "Peace of God that surpasses all understanding." (Philippians 4:7) I would never have come to know my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And my beloved brother, neither would you.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic our self centered fear which will always reside in my human nature has no power over my behavior or my emotional state when i live in the awareness of God, God's will for me, in this moment. I am acutely aware that the ability to do that is a gift of grace from the Lord. If I will humble myself and pray than I will be healed. I can either be the host of the Lord or a slave to my ego but I can't be both...Thank you...Armand
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