I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous that I have three basic instincts, a social, sexual and security instinct. These instincts are God given and necessary for life but in me I can never get enough of what it is I think I need. The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as a bodily need manifested in our thought process. So what occurs for us as alcoholics is our instincts manifest themselves in our thought process and triggers our self centered fear. I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol is but a symptom of our true malady. Our true malady is self centered fear, afraid that we are not going to get what we want, afraid that we are going to lose what we have. Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts. But in us we can never get enough of what it is we think we need. Then we run around chasing our tail creating havoc in our lives but more importantly havoc in the lives of everyone around us. This is THE FUNCTIONING PIECE OF ALCOHOLISM.
The solution to the problem of alcoholism is a vital spiritual experience, as we must give life to our relationship with God. How? By letting go of our human nature so that our thought process is no longer propelled by our instincts but rather by the will of God through inspiration,
What a conundrum! How these natural desires, stretched by me far beyond their intended use, warped me and caused such unhappiness for me and those closest to me. My life was topsy-turvied with fear of everything but mostly with fear of looking at myself. I was all I had, and all I feared. That is the way I functioned within the framework of my human nature. That's why I drank. In letting go of that way of thinking and acting through the Twelve Steps, I've been made aware that down deep inside me is something stronger than my fear.- my freedom from fear, But that freedom only exists in the limitless context of a relationship with a Power greater than myself, a Power already within me and within all of us.
ReplyDeleteMichael The Step Book says "if we can receive a perfect release from our alcoholism why not apply it to every other problem in our a life." I came to AA because I did not want to drink but did anyway and found not only a solution to that but a productive life full of meaning, love and joy...Thank you so much for your experience as it is very helpful...Armand
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ReplyDeleteGreat... Fantastic... Reading this blog every few days is a joy... It always speaks to me... I find it invaluable in getting my human nature in line with my spiritual self. And today is no exception...
Today I know that self centered fear is my greatest obstacle to a productive life, and only through a relationship with God can I achieve peace in my body and soul...
Andrew. B
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Andrew great to have you comment again as the comments to the blog contain sharp insights and fresh ideas and your comment is no exception... thank you...Armand
ReplyDeletePeace...that's what these posts seem to give me. Even if just a taste. I fight my hardest to hang on to my nature and want to let my instincts rule my thought process in every way. But even on the worst of days, prayer and love combined with faith in my higher power, God, can help me let go and accept. Peace.
ReplyDeleteCaitlin welcome a very insightful comment.The day will come when the struggle to let go of your nature is wonby surrendering yourself absolutely to the will of God...Please continue to comment and thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteI have read this over and over, I also have heard you state this in our Saturday meetings. I am truly in awe of how in one paragraph you have summed up my entire alcoholic existence. Fear of not getting what I want and loosing what I have is my life in a nut shell. I pray Armand that having this knowledge of knowing my own fears is but a part of my very human nature, I will fully surrender and allow myself to do gods will. I am beginning to realize through Alcoholics Anonymous I am truly incapable of fixing my self, my fear ridden mind simply keeps manifesting my fear ridden behavior, it is simply a never ending circle of my very existence. I pray I will no longer reach for my character defect (alcohol) but instead reach for my higher power so I can one day fearlessly do his will for me.
ReplyDeletePaul I really appreciate when you said "my fear ridden mind keeps manifesting my fear ridden behavior." Paul alcohol is but a symptom of our true malady, our true malady is self centered fear. Keep it up Paul you are making progress...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteThis comment is from A Grateful Recovering Alcoholic
ReplyDeleteThe Functioning Piece Of Alcoholism
Armand,
Yes, I lived out that hyper exaggerated and delusional belief in my own importance. I justified every unrestrained journey into my God given appetites with unholy zeal. I deliberately left God out of the equation, for after, all who possessed of a gluttonous mind entertains any form of restraint? The inevitable reward is a bottomless layer of gilt and shame encompassed by the ever-present fear of having my true self discovered and inner "daemons" exposed. There was no good in me to be found. To be honest, there was no me at all. Just a self created caricature, a mere bundle of personas alternately exercised to gain acceptance and ultimate possession of the person, place or thing I craved.
God was not inside me at all. I diligently searched, and... Nope, not a whisper. I continued to flounder about trying to find some form of human pedagogy to "heal my inner child" and the misery continued to issue forth as I gasped for air in an ocean of bile. Yet, the effects of His presence were all about me. In overheard conversations, the random kindness of a stranger, witnessed displays of true love and affection, a baby's furtive glance. That was the life I craved in fleeting moments of sanity.
It was the impossible desire of becoming a part of that world that finally drove me to my knees and the Ultimate Author of that vision. I finally began to apprehend the radical change encountered in "How it Works." I asked for His protection and care with complete abandon and as I laid that wretched life before Him all the accumulated gilt and shame of 37 years fled into infinity... And miraculously, in its place, now resides the very Holy Spirit of God. The memory of that first encounter is as fresh in my mind as it was some 27 years ago. Today, I'm strangely thankful I discovered alcohol and the inevitable misery it brings. Without it, I would never have walked through the doors and into the fellowship of AA. I would have never encountered the "Peace of God that surpasses all understanding." (Philippians 4:7)
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
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A Grateful Recovering Alcoholic Thank you so much for your experience with the problem and also with the solution. Part of your wonderful comment falls in line with a blog that i have written titled "Not A Good Thing Not A Bad Thing" when you said "I'm strangely thankful I discovered alcohol and the inevitable misery it brings. Without it, I would never have walked through the doors and into the fellowship of AA. I would have never encountered the "peace of God that surpasses all understanding." (Philippians 4.7)... Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteMy instincts have failed me due to my disobedient defiance.
ReplyDeleteThey can't be relied on due to the manifestation of these defects in my character . Only thru prayer and meditation am I able to achieve God like spiritual nature. Only thru Devine Inspiration am I able to have my senses filled by Him! Inspiration not instincts !
Don The insatiable instincts can no longer propel our thought process but rather our thought process is propelled by the will of God through inspiration...Thank you so much...Armand
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