The Eigth Step - Another Chance To Pray For And To Forgive

                 In the Fourth Step as I began working with the four column inventory of my resentments, fears and sexual conduct, my sponsor suggested that I begin to pray for and to forgive all those on my lists.  In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous there is a prayer for each of these lists, three prayers in total.
                 The Eighth Step  "made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all"  is ANOTHER CHANCE TO PRAY FOR AND TO FORGIVE all those on my lists and to begin doing the same with new situations which may arise.  We are already in possession of an Eighth Step list extracted from our Fourth Step inventory.  As we begin to pray for and to forgive all I am making a beginning on Steps Eleven and Twelve.
                  Prayer and forgiveness are essential tools if we are to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body  We learned in the Fourth Step that resentments toward others is the number one offender to a relationship with God, as we are called to love all, although we are never to be accepting of evil.
                The Eighth Step provides for us ANOTHER CHANCE TO PRAY FOR AND TO FORGIVE all those on our lists which is necessary to bring the Spirit to our Ninth Step amends,      

The Folly Of Control

                The literature of Alcoholics Anonymous says "as alcoholics our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls, either we insist on dominating people or we depend upon them for to much.  If we lean to much on people they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human to and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands.  In this way our insecurity festers and grows.  When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires they revolt and resist us heavily.  Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, a sense to retaliate.  As we redouble our efforts at control and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant.  We have not sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a successful member of society.  Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap or to hide underneath it.  This self centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with anyone of those about us.  Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension."
                It is in the letting go of self and trusting in God that allows us to accept others as they are and allows us to relinquish control.  The greatest gift I have received from the program of A.A. is to have true and honest relations with those around me.  We can learn how to interact with others through our interaction with God in the Eleventh Step.  We can learn how to love and how to allow ourselves to be loved   We can learn not to interact with other peoples personalities which we can like or dislike, but rather to interact with that part of them that is good, that is God.
              It is in the letting go of self and in the trusting in God that allows us to accept others as they are  and ourselves as we are.  This allows us not only to relinquish control but to have no need or desire to control.

                

The Purpose Of Step Four

In the Third Step we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.  The Fourth Step is the next step in the process, the purpose of which is to find out what is it about me that is keeping the grace of God from my life.  It is through the grace of God that the healing occurs.
 Many spiritual traditions include a deep and thorough look at the past to discover the truth of what is uncovered.  Alcoholics Anonymous is no different.
As we work through the Fourth Step we may be getting the sense that the completed program of Alcoholics Anonymous will allow us possibly for the first time to be living our lives as God originally intended us to, free of the manifestation in our behavior of resentment, fear and anxiety.  We will then become the human beings God created us to be and we will maximize our human potential, as the manifestation of our human nature is perfected in the will of God.

Motivation To Complete Step Nine

                  The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says "we have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends.  Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in our past.  We attempt to sweep away the debris that has accumulated out of our effort to live on self will and run the show ourselves.  If we haven't the will to do so , we ask until it comes ( a ninth step prayer).   Remember, it was agreed upon at the beginning that we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol."   It was difficult for me to find the person to share my Fourth Step with and to share the exact nature of my wrongs with God.  However, I did and I found a sense of relief through the power of  forgiveness.  Now, here I am at Step Nine and it is somewhat daunting but easier as now I have the experience of God on my side.   The Fifth Step brought a sense of relief, the beginning of a serene life and for the first time since I was a small boy, I felt the presence of God in my life.  So knowing that sobriety is not enough, that I desired to be recovered, that the solution is a vital spiritual experience, and having a relationship with God in whom I trust, I therefore had plenty of motivation and the desire to have the humility necessary to make amends to the people I had harmed.
                I learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous not to consider any harm they had done to me and besides it was much easier to do so, as I was praying for and forgiving those on my list.  In the Big Book it states "under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue.  Simply we tell them that we will never get over our drinking until we do our utmost to straighten out the past.  We are there to sweep off our side of the street realizing that nothing worthwhile can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell them what they must do."
               This is how I approached the Ninth Step.  I began with my immediate family, you know life is funny and things don't always occur in the proper sequence.  My father was deceased and he passed before I had any consciousness that I owed him amends.  So I went to his grave and there grieved over his death and our life together.   My Mom although alive was having serious cognitive problems and although I was able to make verbal amends to her the amends came as she sank deeper into her illness and I was able to care for her.  My sister who was shocked in my attempt to make amends to her, so that all she could say was really, really!  And on it went.  To those I could not see and to those that did not want to see me, I sent a sincere and complete letter and prayed for the best for them.  It really did become easier as I moved through the list.  In the Fifth Step, I began to feel serenity and now with the task complete, I had extricated myself, through the grace of God, from the past and I was free - maybe for the first time in my life.    

The Healing Of Fear

                 Having admitted that I was alcoholic, thereafter I soon found out that alcohol of itself was not my problem, that alcohol was but the manifestation of my problem.  The real problem was self centered fear, afraid that I was not going to get what I wanted, afraid that I was going to lose what I had.
                In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says " that when dealing with the fear problem or any other problem, perhaps there is a better way as we are now on a different basis , the basis of trusting and relying upon God.  We trust infinite God rather than finite self.  We are in the world to play the role God assigns.  Just to the extent we do as we think God would have us do and humbly rely on God, does God enable us to match calamity with serenity.  We never apologize to anyone for depending on our creator.  We can laugh at those who think spirituality is the way of weakness.  The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage   All possessors of faith have courage.  They trust their God.  We let God demonstrate through us what God can do.  We ask God to remove our fear and direct our attention to what we should be doing.  At once, we commence to outgrow fear."
               The integration of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous into my life  lead to a personal relationship with God, before that fear haunted all of my being in all of my moments driving all of my decisions in an attempt to satiate my instincts as I was afraid that I was not going to get what I wanted, afraid that I was going to lose what I had.  Today in this moment that can change and will change for all of us if  we are in alignment with the will of God for us.  If so we will know a peace we have never before experienced.

How Will I Know God's Will For Me

I am often asked,  HOW WILL I KNOW GOD'S WILL FOR ME.  The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says "that it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times.  We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas.  Nevertheless, we find that as time passes our thinking will be more and more on the plane of inspiration  We come to rely on it."  Inspiration is defined as "the thoughts of God implanted in the mind and soul of man."  Once the thoughts of God hits my soul, I don't need to run it by my intellect to know it is the truth.
Although I am not capable of turning my will and my life over to the care of God in Step Three,  I am capable of making a decision, a final choice to do so.  Deciding from this day forward, I am willing not to allow my thought process to be propelled by my human instinct but rather by the will of God through inspiration.   
If you have already made that decision, may God bless you and if you have not perhaps now would be the time for you to decide to turn your thoughts and behavior over to the care of God and begin to live your life in peace.

The Functioning Piece Of Alcoholism

                   I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous that I have three basic instincts, a social, sexual and security instinct.  These instincts are God given and necessary for life but in me I can never get enough of  what it is I think I need.  The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as a bodily need manifested in our thought process.  So what occurs for us as alcoholics  is our instincts manifest themselves in our thought process and triggers our self centered fear.  I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol is but a symptom of our true malady.  Our true malady is self centered fear, afraid that we are not going to get what we want, afraid that we are going to lose what we have.  Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts.  But in us we can never get enough of what it is we think we need.  Then we run around chasing our tail creating havoc in our lives but more importantly havoc in the lives of everyone around us.  This is THE FUNCTIONING PIECE OF ALCOHOLISM.
                  The solution to the problem of alcoholism is a vital spiritual experience, as we must give life to our relationship with God.  How? By letting go of our human nature so that our thought process is no longer propelled by our instincts but rather by the will of God through inspiration,   

The Primary Characteristics Of An Alcoholic

                 Today I was reminded of the work of Dr. Tiebout, a pioneering figure in the treatment of alcoholism.  He ran a rehab named Blythwood.  He knew "that the characteristics of the so called typical  alcoholic are a narcissistic, egocentric core dominated by feelings of omnipotence, intent in maintaining at all costs its inner integrity."  In a careful study of a series of cases regarding the alcoholic by Sillman, Dr. Tiebout reported that Sillman felt he could discern the outlines of a common character structure among problem drinkers and that the best term he could find for the group of qualities was "defiant individuality and grandiosity."  Tiebout concurs with Sillman and states "inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from God or man.  The alcoholic is and must be the master of their destiny."  Tiebout continues "granted that more or less constant presence of these character traits, it is easy to see how the person possessing them has difficulty in accepting spirituality and God.  Spirituality by its demand that the individual acknowledge the presence of God changes the very nature of the alcoholic.  So, if the alcoholic can use the spiritual tools of recovery and accept the concept of the presence of a power greater than themselves, then he or she by that very step modifies presently and possibly permanently his or her deepest inner structure and when done so without resentment or struggle then they are no longer typically alcoholic."
                 In my own experience with the disease of alcoholism believe in God in and of itself is not enough, as I always believed in God.  That believe must also carry with it the component of trusting in God to the point of making a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God.  I would also like to add, today is all I have contingent upon my relationship with God in this day and in this moment.