The Fourth Step is the beginning of a process in which we list our resentments, fears and sexual conduct on a four column inventory to determine the exact nature of our wrongs. Step Five is, "admitted to God to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. In many great spiritual traditions a deep introspective period is necessary and Alcoholics Anonymous is no different. The purpose of which is to discover within ourselves what it is about ourselves that is keeping the grace of God from our lives. Then a confession, our Fifth Step, for a sense of relief from the shame and guilt is common. If we are to overcome our alcoholism, a review and admission of our defects is necessary.The chapter Into Action in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states, "we shall be more reconciled with discussing ourselves with another person when we see why we should do so. The best reason first. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid the humbling experience, they tried easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory alright but held onto the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism, they only thought they had humbled themselves in the sense we find it necessary until they had told someone all their life story."
All the steps of AA are humbling but none more so than the Fourth and Fifth Steps. To tell someone the deepest, darkest side of ourselves is a very humbling experience. Along with it comes a sense of relief. For maybe the first time in our lives we are free of the shame and guilt that we have carried within ourselves for years. There is a sense of serenity. The Step Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "when HUMILITY is combined with SERENITY a great moment is apt to occur," and for me it was the presence of God in my life for the first time since I was a little boy.
If we are willing to do a complete Fourth Step as outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous followed by a complete and honest Fifth Step, HUMILITY will intersect with SERENITY and we will know a peace that we have never before experienced.
Written by Armand
In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says, "When we encountered A.A., the fallacy of our defiance was revealed. At no time had we asked what God's will was for us; instead we had been telling Him what it ought to be. No man, we saw, could believe in God and defy Him, too. Belief meant RELIANCE, NOT DEFIANCE. In A.A. we saw the fruits of this belief: men and women spared from alcohol's final catastrophe. We saw them meet and transcend their other pains and trials. We saw them calmly accept impossible situations, seeking neither to run nor to recriminate. This was not only faith; it was faith that worked under all conditions. We soon concluded that whatever price in humility we must pay, we would pay."
Having completed Steps One through Five, there are some fundamental recovery questions in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that must be answered before we can move on.
As sponsors in Alcoholics Anonymous we must live the principles of the program if we are to have the integrity it takes to present the principles of AA to others. We have come to understand that our very lives as ex-problem drinkers are dependent upon the lives we are called to help. Our lives take on a purpose and meaning that we have not experienced before.
Featured in "The Doctors Opinion" of Alcoholics Anonymous is a letter from Dr. William D. Silkworth, the Medical Director of Townes Hospital in New York City (a renowned hospital during that time for the treatment of alcoholics). One of the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous and primary author of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill W., was under Dr. Silkworth's care on three separate occasions there. In Dr. Silkworth's letter he states, "We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of moral psychology was of urgent importance to alcoholics ... unless [the alcoholic] can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope for his recovery."
Our journey through the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous teaches us the value of daily inventory. Much can be discovered and the inner self can be transformed as we move away from the instincts of our human nature and progress into the world of the Spirit. We realize there is no need to wait until the end of each day to perform such an inventory, as we can address the manifestation of our defects as they occur. The book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "There is the spot check inventory, taken at any time of the day that we find ourselves getting tangled up." This may be as simple as identifying unkind thoughts that we have of people who are not like us in appearance or beliefs, so that we can reveal and deal with the thoughts as they are happening...and not wait until the end of the day to address such things.
Alcoholics Anonymous, what a ride! Early on I heard, "I wouldn't trade my worst day in AA for my best day when I was out there." I was skeptical of these proclamations, but the sincerity of those members' claims could not be questioned, as those people were just like me in that they suffered from an illness (yet they no longer had the struggle). More importantly they seemed to be living enjoyable and fulfilling lives. I discovered the similar characteristics of openness and a willingness to give among many of them as they seemed to have found a purpose beyond themselves in Alcoholics Anonymous and needed to disclose the full truth of themselves in order to grow in their purpose. Now please understand, all of the above was difficult for me to accept because I came from an environment and a lifestyle where cynicism and skepticism were king and queen. The only purpose I had in life was to satiate my instincts and my own selfish desires.