Alcoholics Anonymous, what a ride! Early on I heard, "I wouldn't trade my worst day in AA for my best day when I was out there." I was skeptical of these proclamations, but the sincerity of those members' claims could not be questioned, as those people were just like me in that they suffered from an illness (yet they no longer had the struggle). More importantly they seemed to be living enjoyable and fulfilling lives. I discovered the similar characteristics of openness and a willingness to give among many of them as they seemed to have found a purpose beyond themselves in Alcoholics Anonymous and needed to disclose the full truth of themselves in order to grow in their purpose. Now please understand, all of the above was difficult for me to accept because I came from an environment and a lifestyle where cynicism and skepticism were king and queen. The only purpose I had in life was to satiate my instincts and my own selfish desires.I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol is only a symptom of my true malady - self centered fear: afraid that I am not going to get what I want, afraid that I am going to lose what I have. This fear propels us in our efforts to satiate our instincts and to provide for and meet the demands of our own selfish desires. Integrating the program of Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives in such a way that it becomes our life takes us out of ourselves thence we are given the power to help others. That we become capable of putting others' needs before our own is a direct result of the healing that occurs for us - this is a miracle. We know when we have extracted a purpose (helping others who are just like us to recover from their alcoholism) from our problem we are indeed fulfilling A PURPOSE BEYOND OURSELVES.
Written by Armand
It was necessary for me to descend to the point where my existence was completely purposeless. Alcohol simply wielded the finishing blows. As you continually point out, it was through the integration of The Steps into my life in such a way that they became my life that my spirit was awakened and my true purpose was made clear. My selfishness and self-centeredness had to first be neutralized and then be transformed into wholeness. Paradoxically, I learned that it was the gift of others that would avail me of the gift of me - through The Power Within me. Once in the awareness and presence of That Power, I understand. Not only my purpose - I simply understand.
ReplyDeleteMichael often we here "find a purpose beyond yourself." In Alcoholics Anonymous in order to fully recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body we must help others over and above our own desires...Thank you...Armand
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ReplyDelete11. "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." Every step is in the order it is for a reason and Step 11 is no exception. All are written in the past perfect tense in the form of a testimony and as such forms a collective a deposition, A map of a journey on the road less traveled if you will, with a simple clarity seldom encountered in secular writings.
For in AA we do not "work" Step 11 as though it were a point on the great "check list to recovery" as some may suppose or propose. The journey itself is the destination inspired and ultimately, through Gods grace, fervently desired. It is; in its entirety, God's gift to everyone who is willing to embrace the immutable truth of His Word and undeniable Presence of His Person the moment "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."
This "Fruit of the Spirit" is a never ending manifestation of the divinely desired relationship and ultimate purpose for us, previously obscured by an insidiously drugged self worship but now inspired into our consciousness moment by moment, day by day as we pass through this life called space and time. And although it was always a part of His great plan I know now that my personal epiphany began the instant I "Admitted I was an alcoholic and that my life had become unmanageable" and that, as the poet has written, "has made all the difference", for I am convinced that the Creator of All continues to lovingly conform every aspect of life into His personal prayer and vision.
12. "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs". As the old desires are being systematically swept away, I'm compelled to inwardly nurture and surrender to this ongoing and ever broadening relationship with the Creator, Maintainer and Lover of my soul. I have, by His grace, become a new creation.
Just as the 11th step bears witness to my understanding that it is God Alone who is the instigation and inspiration for my desire to commune with and please Him in all that He has called me to accomplish, any personal confusion over the principal priority for my life dissolves as His ultimate plan and purpose is made immediately clear in the very core of my being. Having once and forever been saved we're now, in Step 12, called to be an "evangelist", that is, a witness to the Source of Eternal Truth who has finally and effectively, set us free...
And so, as this once desperately lived life begins to bear the unmistakable witness of Gods presence in the purpose for which I have eternally been created. The Holy Spirit, who now resides within me, is the magnet of promise that draws those still trapped inside the insatiable, desperate loneliness of a life without hope, to the Source of eternal serenity, peace and rest. "That one is God, may you find him now".
A Grateful Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic the placing of the needs of others before our own is the result of the healing that occurs for us...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteHi Armand,
ReplyDeleteJust finished reading your latest blog. Thanks for the great message.
When I first came to AA, I heard all those messages and saw all these signs in the AA rooms where I attended meetings. "One Day At A Time," Live and let live," But for the Grace of God." I don't see them or even hear them as much today as I did in the past. But for me, they are part of my life each day. Especially one that read, "Please use the Steps, the elevator is broken."
No I wouldn't trade my worst day in AA either. I've had some tough days in my sobriety, but never a bad day.
By coming to AA, getting a sponsor and a lot of help reading and learning from our Book, I was able to see where I had been selfish and was full of fear. So I started on that path that was laid before me. The path that would lead to freedom. I learned that the Gift I would receive was something I had to giveaway. Which meant getting involved. When I thought the world was falling down on me, I was lifted up and it was by doing something I probably didn't want to do. But I was lucky, or should I say "Blessed." I had to perform 200 hours of community service and I was able to do that at Malvern Institute. I started something there called, "Re-Entry." I don't know if it helped anyone in the community, but it certainly kept me sober. That is where I learned, "You can only keep what you have by giving it away." In the beginning things like that didn't make a lot of sense to me, but they surely make a difference in my life today.
Have a grateful night.
Sid P