Alcoholics Anonymous, what a ride! Early on I heard, "I wouldn't trade my worst day in AA for my best day when I was out there." I was skeptical of these proclamations, but the sincerity of those members' claims could not be questioned, as those people were just like me in that they suffered from an illness (yet they no longer had the struggle). More importantly they seemed to be living enjoyable and fulfilling lives. I discovered the similar characteristics of openness and a willingness to give among many of them as they seemed to have found a purpose beyond themselves in Alcoholics Anonymous and needed to disclose the full truth of themselves in order to grow in their purpose. Now please understand, all of the above was difficult for me to accept because I came from an environment and a lifestyle where cynicism and skepticism were king and queen. The only purpose I had in life was to satiate my instincts and my own selfish desires. I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol is only a symptom of my true malady - self centered fear: afraid that I am not going to get what I want, afraid that I am going to lose what I have. This fear propels us in our efforts to satiate our instincts and to provide for and meet the demands of our own selfish desires. Integrating the program of Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives in such a way that it becomes our life takes us out of ourselves thence we are given the power to help others. That we become capable of putting others' needs before our own is a direct result of the healing that occurs for us - this is a miracle. We know when we have extracted a purpose (helping others who are just like us to recover from their alcoholism) from our problem we are indeed fulfilling A PURPOSE BEYOND OURSELVES.
Written by Armand
While it may sound paradoxical, I believe that through the power of The Big Book program of recovery, I have found not only a purpose beyond myself but a purpose within myself. Perhaps both notions are separated merely by prepositions. But, for me, the distinction rests in the certainty that by integrating all Twelve Steps into my life I have come to know The Power Within me. That life-changing awareness has provided me with a level of comfort that has freed me to become the person I was born to be. What greater purpose than to find and to live to the highest level of my existence! And, in the process, to understand the essence of my inner nature. All that remains is to transmute from within myself to beyond myself, and to give myself away in some way every day one-day-at-a-time.
ReplyDeleteMichael the giving of self to another was one of the six pecepts of the Oxford Group...Thank you....Armand
ReplyDelete11. "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." Every step is in the order it is for a reason and Step 11 is no exception. All are written in the past perfect tense in the form of a testimony and as such forms a collective a deposition, A map of a journey on the road less traveled if you will, with a simple clarity seldom encountered in secular writings.
ReplyDeleteFor in AA we do not "work" Step 11 as though it were a point on the great "check list to recovery" as some may suppose or propose. The journey itself is the destination inspired and ultimately, through Gods grace, fervently desired. It is; in its entirety, God's gift to everyone who is willing to embrace the immutable truth of His Word and undeniable Presence of His Person the moment "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."
This "Fruit of the Spirit" is a never ending manifestation of the divinely desired relationship and ultimate purpose for us, previously obscured by an insidiously drugged self worship but now inspired into our consciousness moment by moment, day by day as we pass through this life called space and time. And although it was always a part of His great plan I know now that my personal epiphany began the instant I "Admitted I was an alcoholic and that my life had become unmanageable" and that, as the poet has written, "has made all the difference", for I am convinced that the Creator of All continues to lovingly conform every aspect of life into His personal prayer and vision.
12. "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs". As the old desires are being systematically swept away, I'm compelled to inwardly nurture and surrender to this ongoing and ever broadening relationship with the Creator, Maintainer and Lover of my soul. I have, by His grace, become a new creation.
Just as the 11th step bears witness to my understanding that it is God Alone who is the instigation and inspiration for my desire to commune with and please Him in all that He has called me to accomplish, any personal confusion over the principal priority for my life dissolves as His ultimate plan and purpose is made immediately clear in the very core of my being. Having once and forever been saved we're now, in Step 12, called to be an "evangelist", that is, a witness to the Source of Eternal Truth who has finally and effectively, set us free...
And so, as this once desperately lived life begins to bear the unmistakable witness of Gods presence in the purpose for which I have eternally been created. My deepest desire is to bear witness by my every thought word and deed that The Holy Spirit, who now resides within me, is the magnet of promise that draws those still trapped inside the insatiable, desperate loneliness of a life without hope, to the Source of eternal serenity, peace and rest. "That one is God, as I’ve discovered through Jesus Christ. May you find Him now".
A Grateful Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic love when you wrote 'bear witness by my every thought word and deed." Only through His grace as you have articulated so many times...thank you...Armand
DeleteThanks Armand,
ReplyDeleteSo nicely put.
Like you, I was also a little skeptical when I heard certain things that were said in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. But then again, during my drinking and drugging I doubted everyone. When I would hear things like "I wouldn't trade my worst day," I would always go back in my mind to try and remember some of the fun days during my addiction, but they were hard to come by.
After I started working the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous in my life, I started to understand things a little better. I have had some ups & downs and many difficult times in my sobriety, but one thing is for sure, "I haven't had a BAD day since July 12, 1991.
Thanks
Sid P
Sid joy is not the absence of sorrow but the presence of God...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDelete