The Fourth Step is the beginning of a process in which we list our resentments, fears and sexual conduct on a four column inventory to determine the exact nature of our wrongs. Step Five is, "admitted to God to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. In many great spiritual traditions a deep introspective period is necessary and Alcoholics Anonymous is no different. The purpose of which is to discover within ourselves what it is about ourselves that is keeping the grace of God from our lives. Then a confession, our Fifth Step, for a sense of relief from the shame and guilt is common. If we are to overcome our alcoholism, a review and admission of our defects is necessary. The chapter Into Action in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states, "we shall be more reconciled with discussing ourselves with another person when we see why we should do so. The best reason first. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid the humbling experience, they tried easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory alright but held onto the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism, they only thought they had humbled themselves in the sense we find it necessary until they had told someone all their life story."
All the steps of AA are humbling but none more so than the Fourth and Fifth Steps. To tell someone the deepest, darkest side of ourselves is a very humbling experience. Along with it comes a sense of relief. For maybe the first time in our lives we are free of the shame and guilt that we have carried within ourselves for years. There is a sense of serenity. The Step Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "when HUMILITY is combined with SERENITY a great moment is apt to occur," and for me it was the presence of God in my life for the first time since I was a little boy.
If we are willing to do a complete Fourth Step as outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous followed by a complete and honest Fifth Step, HUMILITY will intersect with SERENITY and we will know a peace that we have never before experienced.
Written by Armand
Armand,
ReplyDeleteAnything less than the "complete surrender" of our personhood, that is, the very seat of our intellect, emotions and spirit to the very Person of God as "suggested" in the 4th and 5th steps will prove to be an absolute exercise in futility. Our failure to do so serves clear notice that we are still under the false hope that we may yet somehow possess the leverage to negotiate the "terms and conditions of our surrender" allowing us to carry on with our defect laden lives as though alcohol, or any other substance abuse issue, was our only problem and were it not for that "daemon rum”, life would be just dandy. However, the purpose of our sincere confession to the Person of God in the presence of either an AA sponsor or other spiritual advisor is to have a temporal witness to this deeply spiritual act and action that brings about the birth of a new, eternal and sacred relationship between God, and in my case, man.
If this alcoholic entertaines any thought, or obtuse imagining, that God wants me to continue, or climb back into the drivers seat and direct life's tour, it would easily come under the definition of insanity and the basic foundation of the mental meanderings of a megalomaniac. Believing that God is my" Co-Pilot" will only provide a counterfeit spiritual walk that completely lacks the miraculous Power of the Author and Finisher of the journey He desires for me as I would mistakenly rely upon Him to accomplish “our" will with His power which He, in His loving mercy, will never allow. However, He will allow me to continue to experience the frustratingly painful consequences of a counterfeit journey until I finally surrender and place the keys of my life completely into His perfectly capable hands.
Simply put, This gratefully recovering alcoholic is incapable of personally generating one instant of the serenity spoken of in the Big Book. Never could, never will. But God can and will if He is sought. Serenity, is a gift! A gift from God to all who will "humble themselves and seek His face and turn from their wicked ways", For then His eyes shall be open and His ears attentive to the prayers of this place. And thus, He says, "I shall grant you a time of refreshment". That, my brother, as you well know, is the only true path to genuine serenity.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic the surrender must be absolute and complete...Thank you...Armand
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ReplyDeleteFirst, identifying self-centered fear as the cause of my ultimate undoing was a major outcome of Step Four. I then had to further confront the manifestations of this underlying condition. I learned that fear reached the entire fabric of my everyday existence. In Step Five, I was able to reveal my condition and its manifestations, thus shedding new light on the darkness that resided deep inside me. As you point out, this confront-and- reveal process awarded me with a degree of humility which, I learned, would yield the grace I needed to integrate all Twelve Steps into my life in such a way that I could be reborn as the person l was originally born to be. Fear can only interrupt this salvific transformation if I let down on the spiritual program of action inherent in The Big Book program of recovery. Serenity, the absence of conflict in my thoughts, is the final prize. I must then attempt to practice this prized way of life in all my affairs and then to give myself away. Best I can every day.
Michael alcohol is but a symptom of the problem. The Problem is Self centered fear... Thank you...Armand
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