The day I stood in the parking lot drunk such a long time ago a most fortunate event occurred. I bumped into the only person I knew who was in AA. Such kindness he showed me - by speaking with me and taking me to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting that very night. It was there at that meeting that I raised my hand and said "my name is Armand and I am an alcoholic." Some seven years passed from that first night until I admitted complete defeat. Those seven intervening years proved difficult ones in my life as a direct result of alcohol. Fortunately, I did survive a bottom those seven years produced from which I could push up from.
Since admitting complete defeat I have been blessed with a passion for the program of Alcoholics Anonymous which has given me a life, - a REAL life. I know that in order to keep that life I must give it away. In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it says, "the entire load must be given away." It also states, "Our very lives as ex problem drinkers depends upon our constant thought of others." In the rooms, when I see a newcomer or someone there for their first time to my home group I will walk up to them, shake their hand and introduce myself. When anyone in AA asks for help of any kind, and certainly when I am asked by someone to take them through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous by reading the Big Book together, I say "Yes" - as perhaps that is the day they receive their KERNEL of faith, as I once did when I was blessed by another's kindness. Through just a KERNEL of faith, maybe, just maybe, they will be on their way to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.
Written by Armand
Michael C.
ReplyDeleteThe Big Book, in one of its most important passages, tells us that “deep down in every man, woman, and child is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, pomp, or worship of other things but in some form or other it is there.” The Kernel! Something we sense, feel, suspect, but also something the mind may not be able to reach without spiritual action. It’s almost incongruous that alcoholism, for me, was the conduit to my inner self and to the kernel which lay in waiting. My experience has proven to me that it has only been by integrating all Twelve Steps into my life that I have been given the blessing of locating the kernel in the awareness and presence of The Power Within me. It is nowhere else. And it is within all of us.
Michael A kernel of faith is all it takes to begin the journey...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteArmand,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.
That first "kernel" of surrender to the truth of our self enslaved condition subsequently lead me to the only true path to freedom from that enslavement and, once freed, can in no wise be hidden or hoarded… True Salvation and the serenity that follows, by it’s very nature, compels us to share our experience, strength and hope with all whom we thereafter encounter who are still still struggling to enter that low and narrow gate that leads to a saving knowledge of God and the ultimate peace and power that only that first holy encounter and subsequent relationship brings.
It’s still impossible to put into words the deep sense of freedom I felt when I finally first admitted my condition and raised my hand to proclaim: “My name is Emil and I am an alcoholic.” Although I didn’t fully realize it at the time, that first act of true humility placed me on the threshold of Gods true purpose and plan for my life many years ago. Although there were, and still are life's challenges to overcome, the blessings of turning my will and my life over to God over 35 years ago multiply day by day and are far too many to count.
And like you my brother, the greatest of which is the ability and opportunity to share that ongoing experience with all whom I encounter both inside and outside of the rooms. That is, to clearly proclaim the truth that God’s Holy Spirit is everywhere and all about us but our selfish and self centered ego's have deliberately kept Him out. God created and respects our free will. He will never enter and take up residence within us without a clear invitation. The 12 Steps of AA reinforce the absolute truth that no matter how nefarious our past has been, God is a God of mercy. Further, if we acknowledge and confess our faults and failures to Him and invite Him into our hearts He will forgive our sins and take up residence within to bring about the change and time of refreshment we could never have accomplished on our own.
I had sought out and stumbled my way through every conceivable methodology proclaimed by guru's and men that promised to lead to "universal serenity and enlightenment" through discovery of some (always nebular) self possessed power within. The resulting emptiness only served to fuel my addictions further until I finally found myself in the rooms of AA... There I was confronted by the 12 Steps that found their basis in the greatest message ever proclaimed that I had heretofore “religiously” rejected. The Gospel of Jesus Christ.. I know that at this very moment He is gently knocking on the door of the heart of everyone who is desperately seeking a release from the prison of doubt and fear to provide the peace and the sure knowledge that you are accepted and loved by the true Prince of Peace, The Lord and Savior, The only all wise Almighty God.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic the truth is surrender your nature to the will of God in this moment. If so no need to listen to another tape or read another book or attend another lecture...Thank you...armand
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