The Fourth Step is the beginning of a process in which we list our resentments, fears and sexual conduct on a four column inventory to determine the exact nature of our wrongs. Step Five is, "admitted to God to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. In many great spiritual traditions a deep introspective period is necessary and Alcoholics Anonymous is no different. The purpose of which is to discover within ourselves what it is about ourselves that is keeping the grace of God from our lives. Then a confession, our Fifth Step, for a sense of relief from the shame and guilt is common. If we are to overcome our alcoholism, a review and admission of our defects is necessary.The chapter Into Action in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states, "we shall be more reconciled with discussing ourselves with another person when we see why we should do so. The best reason first. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid the humbling experience, they tried easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory alright but held onto the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism, they only thought they had humbled themselves in the sense we find it necessary until they had told someone all their life story."
All the steps of AA are humbling but none more so than the Fourth and Fifth Steps. To tell someone the deepest, darkest side of ourselves is a very humbling experience. Along with it comes a sense of relief. For maybe the first time in our lives we are free of the shame and guilt that we have carried within ourselves for years. There is a sense of serenity. The Step Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says, "when HUMILITY is combined with SERENITY a great moment is apt to occur," and for me it was the presence of God in my life for the first time since I was a little boy.
If we are willing to do a complete Fourth Step as outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous followed by a complete and honest Fifth Step, HUMILITY will intersect with SERENITY and we will know a peace that we have never before experienced.
Written by Armand
Michael C.
ReplyDeleteAs you cite in The Big Book’s delineating of Steps Four and Five, the conjoining of perspective and peace make for the attainment of new awakenings for the alcoholic. That initial sense of relief can be further developed into a sense of self-love by the ongoing commitment to self discovery as iterated throughout the program of recovery. The search for myself first led me to the awareness of The Power Within me which, in turn, inspired me to integrate all Twelve Steps into my life in such a way that I was freed to become the person I was born to be. The desire to go beyond my human nature to my divine self is heightened and strengthened each sober day through contact with other alcoholics in need of just what I needed and what I now need to give away. A gift that amounts to a new level of consciousness and being.
Michael love when you wrote the conjoining of perspective and Peace...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteArmand,
ReplyDeleteAnything less than the "complete surrender" of our personhood, that is, the very seat of our intellect, emotions and spirit, that encompasses all that we are or ever hope to be to the very Person of God as "suggested" in the 4th and 5th steps will prove to be an absolute exercise in futility. Our failure to do so serves clear notice that we are still under the false hope that we may yet somehow possess the leverage to negotiate the "terms and conditions of our surrender" allowing us to carry on with our defect laden lives as though alcohol, or any other substance abuse issue, was our only problem and were it not for that "daemon rum" life would be just dandy. However, the purpose of our sincere confession to the Person of God in the presence of either an AA sponsor or other spiritual advisor is to have a temporal witness to this deeply spiritual act that brings about the birth of a new, eternal and sacred relationship between God, and in my case, man.
As long as this alcoholic entertained any thought or imagining that God wants me to continue, or climb back into the drivers seat and direct life's tour would easily come under the definition of insanity and the basic foundation of the mental meanderings of a megalomaniac. It reminds me of the bumper stickers I've seen that say "God is my Co-Pilot"... I want to run up to the driver and fervently encourage them to pry their fingers off the "wheel" and quickly swap seats, for although that type of thinking may provide a form of spiritual walk it completely lacks the internal Power of the Author and Finisher of our journey as we now mistakenly rely upon Him to accomplish our will with His power which He, in His loving mercy, will never allow. He will allow us to continue to experience the frustratingly painful consequences of a counterfeit journey until we finally surrender and place the keys of our lives into His perfectly capable hands.
Simply put, This gratefully recovering alcoholic is incapable of personally generating one millivolt of the serenity spoken of in the Big Book. Never could, never will. But God can and will if He is sought. Serenity, is a gift of God to all who "humble themselves and seek His face and turn from their wicked ways", For then His eyes shall be open and His ears attentive to the prayers of this place. And thus, He says, "I shall grant you a time of refreshment". That, my brother, as you well know, is the only true path to genuine serenity.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic i cannot go from self directed to God directed because I want to or even know I need to. The surrender, as you say, must be complete. An admission to the inner most self that I am powerless and need and want the grace of God...thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteIn that same chapter of the Big Book you quote there is another passage that says "More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see." How true that was of me! And what a mismatch there was between the facade and the reality. How I dreaded having to get honest and tell another human being what I was really like on the inside, and the things I had really done, in the shadows when I thought no one was looking. But I pocketed my pride and went to it, withholding nothing. And just as the Book promises, when I was done with the step, I was "delighted. " I began to feel the nearness of my Creator, for the first time in a long time. Step Five marked the beginning of the end of my isolation from others, and from God.
ReplyDeleteDan the humbling of self brings a great reward, the presence of God...Thank yiu... Armand
ReplyDelete