Alcoholics Anonymous, what a ride! Early on I heard, "I wouldn't trade my worst day in AA for my best day when I was out there." I was skeptical of these proclamations, but the sincerity of those members' claims could not be questioned, as those people were just like me in that they suffered from an illness (yet they no longer had the struggle). More importantly they seemed to be living enjoyable and fulfilling lives. I discovered the similar characteristics of openness and a willingness to give among many of them as they seemed to have found a purpose beyond themselves in Alcoholics Anonymous and needed to disclose the full truth of themselves in order to grow in their purpose. Now please understand, all of the above was difficult for me to accept because I came from an environment and a lifestyle where cynicism and skepticism were king and queen. The only purpose I had in life was to satiate my instincts and my own selfish desires.I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous that alcohol is only a symptom of my true malady - self centered fear: afraid that I am not going to get what I want, afraid that I am going to lose what I have. This fear propels us in our efforts to satiate our instincts and to provide for and meet the demands of our own selfish desires. Integrating the program of Alcoholics Anonymous into our lives in such a way that it becomes our life takes us out of ourselves thence we are given the power to help others. That we become capable of putting others' needs before our own is a direct result of the healing that occurs for us - this is a miracle. We know when we have extracted a purpose (helping others who are just like us to recover from their alcoholism) from our problem we are indeed fulfilling A PURPOSE BEYOND OURSELVES.
Written by Armand
11. "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." Every step is in the order it is for a reason and Step 11 is no exception. All are written in the past perfect tense in the form of a testimony and as such forms a collective a deposition, A map of a journey on the road less traveled if you will, with a simple clarity seldom encountered in secular writings.
ReplyDeleteFor in AA we do not "work" Step 11 as though it were a point on the great "check list to recovery" as some may suppose or propose. The journey itself is the destination inspired and ultimately, through Gods grace, fervently desired. It is; in its entirety, God's gift to everyone who is willing to embrace the immutable truth of His Word and undeniable Presence of His Person the moment "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."
This "Fruit of the Spirit" is a never ending story and manifestation of the divinely desired relationship and ultimate purpose for us, once locked in eternity and now inspired into our consciousness moment by moment, day by day as we pass through this life called space and time. And although it was always a part of His great plan I know now that my personal epiphany began the instant I "Admitted I was an alcoholic and that my life had become unmanageable" and that, as the poet has written, "has made all the difference", for I am convinced that the Creator of All continues to lovingly conform every aspect of life into His personal prayer and vision.
12. "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs". As the old desires are being systematically swept away, I'm compelled to inwardly nurture and surrender to this ongoing and ever broadening relationship with the Creator, Maintainer and Lover of my soul. I have, by His grace, become a new creation.
Just as the 11th step bears witness to my understanding that it is God Alone who is the instigation and inspiration for my desire to commune with and please Him in all that He has called me to accomplish, any personal confusion over the principal priority for my life dissolves as His ultimate plan and purpose is made immediately clear in the very core of my being. Having once and forever been saved we're now, in Step 12, called to be an "evangelist", that is, a witness to the Source of Eternal Truth who has finally and effectively, set us free...
And so, as this once desperately lived life begins to bear the unmistakable witness of Gods presence in the purpose for which I have eternally been created. The Holy Spirit, who now resides within me, is the magnet of promise that draws those still trapped inside the insatiable, desperate loneliness of a life without hope, to the Source of eternal serenity, peace and rest. "That one is God, may you find him now".
A Grateful Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic loved when you wrote "a map of a journey on the road less teaveled" in relation to the 12 Steps...Thank you...Armand
DeleteIt makes sense that the more I heal, the more I have the capability to help others. In the program of recovery, the opportunity to achieve both is always available. As alcoholics in recovery, there is an entire universe waiting for what we have to offer. In order to offer it, however, we must integrate all Twelve Steps fully into our lives in just the way you've explained. That is the only mechanism whereby we are enabled to be relieved of our blindness to our own true purpose. The streets are paved with those who drink ourselves to death without ever knowing this underlying spiritual certainty. The gift we have been given must be held in love for ourselves and for others. To be kept it must be given away. That is it's purpose - and that is our purpose.
ReplyDeleteMichael often Our Purpose is found in our problems...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDelete" Other Peoples' Wellbeing is Far More Important Than My Own."
ReplyDeleteThe Dali Lama
John thanks for your post... Armand
ReplyDeleteArmand, I never got caught up in SELF CENTERED FEAR, Self Centered that I was and I am working to move out of self-centered behavior by focusing every day on living a life of kindness. I know most of our friends talk about SELF CENTERED FEAR but the word FEAR just did not resonate with me. Best, John
ReplyDeleteLove that you wrote of your cynicism and skepticism when you first were exposed to AA. I had those things too, along with healthy doses of defiance, arrogance, contempt and ignorance. I actually thought that the speakers we hear at speaker meetings-- the polished ones who seem at ease in their own skins and with their own stories-- were paid professionals, employed by AA to travel about to meetings and rehabs and tell their stories, with a handsome travel stipend no doubt. I came to AA with such a toxic mix of defiance and suspicion that it's a miracle I stayed, but there was something about the people I was trying to figure out-- "something about the eyes," as Bill put it. Eventually I realized everyone was there "for fun and for free" and then I wanted what they had-- freedom-- from alcohol and drugs, from the bondage of self, from self-centered fear. Freedom from all the things that had bedeviled me my whole life. By walking the path of steps I got what they have-- and I get to keep it, one day at a time, provided I keep giving it away.
ReplyDeleteDan amazing the characteristics that we all seem to share...Thank you...Armand
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