In the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter "How It Works" it states, "The first requirement (in taking the Third Step) is that we be convinced that any life run on self will can hardly be a success. Remember that we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power - that One is God. May you find Him now!" It also says "Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles... So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making...and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness... And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid."
We have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that we have three basic instincts. These instincts are God given and necessary for life, but in me I can never get enough of what it is I think I need. The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as "a bodily need manifested in our thought process." What occurs for us as an alcoholic is our instincts manifest themselves in our thought process and trigger our self-centered fear. We learned through the program that alcohol is but a symptom of OUR TRUE MALADY. Any addiction is such. OUR TRUE MALADY is self-centered fear: afraid that we are not going to get what we want, afraid that we will lose what we have. Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts. The only problem is that in us we can never get enough of what it is that we think we need, then we run around chasing our tails creating havoc in our lives - but more importantly, havoc in the lives of everyone around us. This is the functioning piece of alcoholism.
As an alcoholic we have a compulsive need to defend our basic human instincts, often to an extreme. This manifestation of our character defects is a result of our self-centered fear that permeates our lives. Alcohol is but a symptom of OUR TRUE MALADY. OUR TRUE MALADY is SELF-CENTERED FEAR.
Written By Armand
Written By Armand
Thanks for Sharing Armand,
ReplyDeleteAs I've written previously, self centered fear and pride, together with covetousness exquisitely describe the motive force that propels every person who is absolutely inwardly convinced that the entire known universe was uniquely and exclusively created just for them. Yet, a casual glance at the world at large confirms that these regrettable characteristics are not the exclusive estate of the Alcoholic mind. Even the most sober minded and spiritual among us suffer the cravings of misdirected appetites from time to time and any denial of our true condition is the primal delusion that must be rooted out and tossed into the pit from which it originated. it is a core spiritual state that cannot even be recognized let alone overcome without Devine intervention. One of the greatest saints who ever lived wrote of this nearly 2000 years ago and I'll defer to the problem he identified and the solution he discovered.
Romans 7: 14 - 24
"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
This gratefully recovering alcoholic has painfully proven in the past that even when I inwardly agree that the course I choose will ultimately lead to self destruction I will still "throw the dice" as my appetites demand hoping for a better outcome; and that my friend is insanity... Simple knowledge of my condition is of no avail until I fully accept that I'm completely, utterly and constitutionally incapable of overcoming my own will and, any self powered effort in that direction is tantamount to placing a hair net over the space shuttle with the expectation of preventing the launch.
Today I pray, dear God I respond now to Your invitation. You have called me to place into Your capable hands the trials and tribulations within me and about me. Help me to turn my cares over to You, and to rest in the assurance that Your solutions are greater than my problems. Give me a clear head and a trusting heart as I press onward on the path You have marked before me. You are the only one who can enter the tomb to breathe life into the fetid state of a long dead soul and provide a Damascus Road meeting with the Author of Light. Help me to continually uncover the peace, serenity and assurance that is the immutable fabric of a life lived in the arms of You, my Savior and Lord who's birth and revelation I'm about to celebrate in just a few hours.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic one would think that with all the Lord has done for me that my gratitude alone would keep me in his will but my human nature is a strong foe. So important to pray and meditate daily to improve my conscious contact with God...Thank you...armand
ReplyDeleteConvinced! The first requirement for alcoholics to effectively take The Third Step. We must be convinced that, for an alcoholic, self-will is a direct path to failure. And failure is drunk. But how does one become convinced? From my experience, nothing was ever enough. I was sick and sick of myself. I was tired and tired of myself. I was depleted of any energy whatsoever. My life was a disastrous display of false pride and manipulation. I was not a candidate for success. I was an alcoholic. Nothing has been more enlightening and lightening than learning that my instincts are three only and that I must find a way to satisfy them. By integrating all Twelve Steps into my life in such a way that they have become my life, I have found that I not only have enough but that I am enough. My instincts are satisfied, my life is dignified through The Power Within me. My gift is to be given away.
ReplyDeleteMichael C
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Michael yes, we must be convinced, defined as we have exhausted all argument, that any life run on self will, can hardly be a success. Self will is our thought process propelled by our human instinct...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteThe only solution to my self-centered fear is to live in the will of God. Easy to say, very hard to do. It is only when I am outside the will of God that I am fearful and lack any serenity. To live in God's will, I must learn how to communicate with God because all relationships must have open and honest communication. Listening to God takes tremendous discipline and effort on my part. It requires TIME together, often in silence without distraction. It takes being present with God without my mind racing with others thoughts that block or distort the conversation. These communication skills I am still working on with my God. I am learning these skills because the Big Book tells me to learn them. Otherwise I continue to live outside the will of God and remain scared like every other animal on this planet. I am called to live in the Holy Spirit while on earth so I know how to live after this life. I skill have alot of wood to chop...
ReplyDeleteJim a day begun with pray and meditation is a day begun in the spirit of the original members...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteWhen I first came to the program I thought that I was the exception to this rule. I could not possibly be selfish and self-centered, because I had such low self-esteem, was so anxious and depressed, and was such a victim. I thought that self-centered people were the braggarts and the grandiose-- that wasn't me, I was the opposite of those types. I was humble. Wasn't I?! Eventually my ears opened and I began to hear AA sayings like, "I may not be much, but I'm all that I think of;" and "I'm the piece of crap at the center of the universe." I could identify. And I began to be aware of my selfish/self-centeredness. My thoughts were negative, but basically all I thought of was me, my wants and desires, my fears and frustrations. The fourth step showed me how much self-centered fear had run my life, all the way to age 48 and my final defeat by the bottle. Through the steps and though service to others and by the grace of God, the cloud of fear began to slowly lift. Sometimes today it is "progress not perfection" and self-centered fear will rear its head. But there is progress. And today I know that genuine humility does not mean thinking less of myself-- it means thinking of myself less.
ReplyDeleteDan love when you wrote "basically all i thought of was me." How true for an alcoholic...Thank you...Armand
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