I have learned through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that I have three basic instincts: a social, a sexual and a security instinct. These instincts are God given and necessary for life, but in me I can never get enough of what it is I think I need. The great psychiatrist Sigmund Freud defines an instinct as, "a bodily need manifested in our thought process.".
Through the twelve steps I have learned that alcohol is but a symptom of our true malady - our true malady being self-centered fear. We are afraid that we are not going to get what we want and that we are going to lose what we have. Once our fear is triggered we reach for our character defects in an attempt to satiate our instincts, but we can never get enough of what it is we think we need. We are then left running around, chasing our tails, creating havoc in our lives but, more importantly, havoc in the lives of everyone around us. This malady of self-centered fear is the functioning piece of alcoholism and any other ism.
The solution to the disease of addiction is a vital spiritual experience. We must give life to our relationship with God. How? By letting go of our human nature so our thought process is no longer propelled by our instincts, but rather by the will of God through inspiration,
Written by Arman
Since instincts are a vital part of our human nature, the idea of completely letting go of my nature in order to re-propel my thoughts away from instinct-only direction is a difficult notion to understand let alone implement. My years in the program of recovery have shown me that the consciousness and effectiveness of this belief can only come to me through experience. What does that mean? For me, it means that only by incorporating The Twelve Steps into my life in such a way that they can become my truth and, therefore, my life, can I understand this transformation from self-propulsion to soul-propulsion. In other words, I understand the power of what you've written in the context of putting The Steps toward salvific use in my life. That process and its daily manifestation is indeed miraculous.
ReplyDeleteMichael love self propulsion to soul propulsion. A recovered Alcolholic has abandoned themselves to God...Thank you...Armand
ReplyDeleteI've lived out that hyper exaggerated delusional belief in my own importance. I justified every unrestrained journey into my God given appetites with unholy zeal. I deliberately left God out of the equation. I was a hollow, walking, talking bottomless layer of gilt and shame terrified by the ever-present fear of having my true self discovered and inner "daemons" exposed. There was... no good in me to be found. To be honest, there was no me at all. Just a self created caricature, a mere bundle of personas alternately exercised to gain acceptance and ultimate possession of the person, place or thing I craved.
ReplyDeleteYet, the effects of God's presence were everywhere and all about me. In overheard conversations, the random kindness of a stranger, witnessed displays of true love and affection, a baby's furtive glance. That, was the life I craved in fleeting moments of sanity.
It was the impossible desire of becoming a part of that world that finally drove me to my knees and the Ultimate Author of that vision. I finally began to apprehend the radical change encountered in "How it Works." I asked for His protection and care with complete abandon and as I laid that wretched life before Him, all the accumulated gilt and shame of 37 years fled into infinity... And miraculously, in its place, in this heart of a still very imperfect man, now resides the very Holy Spirit of God. The memory of that first encounter is as fresh in my mind as it was some 30 years ago. Today, I'm strangely thankful I discovered alcohol and the inevitable misery it brings. Without it, I would never have walked through the doors and into the fellowship of AA. I would have never encountered the Steps that lead to the "Peace of God that surpasses all understanding." (Philippians 4:7) I would never have come to know my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And, my beloved brother, neither would you.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic The program of AA gave me a chance to rekindle a relationship I had as a Boy with God and for it to grow more intimate as time passes...Thank you...Armand
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