Step One in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous requires an admission to our innermost self that we are alcoholic. As difficult as this is, we see the progression not only in the amount of alcohol we consumed but the negative effects the alcohol was having on our bodies and on our lives. This realization comes after we declare, "I am an alcoholic" (or "I am an addict") and after we had a desire not to drink and not to use. We had to make an admission that we were powerless over alcohol, over drugs, over our reckless behaviors, and that our lives had indeed become unmanageable. We drank, used, and behaved the way our disease willed us to and so many of us relapsed time and time again over events and circumstances in our lives. The happenstances of our lives are only excuses as the real reason we lapsed was because we only wanted or had one foot in the program, and one foot out of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
In Chapter Five of the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous entitled "How It Works" states, "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program." We can chose not to thoroughly follow the path and so we do not completely give ourselves to this simple program as we are so very defiant by nature. The result of such defiance is relapse (if we are lucky, death if we are not).
It is true that an admission is required. It is true that we must admit complete defeat. It is true that our lives are unmanageable. It is true that we must admit to our innermost self that we are alcoholic, that we are addict, that we are amok with disease. It is true that we must surrender to the program of AA. Once we have made all of these admissions we must integrate the program of AA into our lives in such a way that it becomes our life. Then maybe, just maybe, for the first time in our existence we will have a life... a real life...a joyful, loved-filled life.
Written by Armand
This innermost admission revealed something new to me that I had been missing - me. Once we are able to come face-to-face with ourselves the process of self-love begins. But what next? How do we achieve the Ultimate Gift without a plan, a path? As you clearly point out, Chapter 5 of The Big Book lays it out for us. The question is - will we do what is necessary to follow that path to recovery? Because that is where it leads. Much self-generated confusion ensues if we are unwilling to give ourselves completely to recovery. Our will is so singularly strong that it must be tempered, not weakened, in the pursuit of a peaceful, productive life. In my experience. only the complete incorporation of The Steps into my life changed my life to the life I always wanted. Not a very high price to pay for a very high life.
ReplyDeleteMichael it is difficult for a defiant alcoholic to surrender but we must if we are to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body...Thank you...Armand
DeleteArmand,
ReplyDeleteIt was my base instinct for survival that compelled the first surrender of the me that was admittedly a whirlwind of unbridled animal appetites to the Father of Eternal Light. As my journey continues the mist's of mystery slowly to dissolve. I have been pulled from the wilderness and placed on a path, a very narrow path, a road less traveled. Yet, for perhaps the first time in my life I am instinctively at peace with the sure knowledge that no matter how fearful the path appears the ultimate destination is secure. A true Miracle...
My Guide knows my fears, faults and failures well but He also knows the deep desires of my heart and wishes to make them a living reality. He recalls to my heart the words of Chapter 5, "We asked His protection and care with complete abandon." And I sense I'm about to further plumb the depths and breath of the meaning of "complete abandon", but not out of mere desperation, but a conscience act of the will. I drop to my knees and fervently seek the One who has placed me here, Who lovingly reminds that I have abandoned my desire to become my own worst nightmare and the path that served as a living definition of "the broad road that leads to destruction."
He reminds me "It's a simple program" that I all too often fearfully make complex. He speaks into my heart that "My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness." I need only place my weaknesses, doubts and fears before Him and failure is replaced by forgiveness and fear is replaced by faith. He is my Constant Compass and His Word and Spirit my one true and only source of security in every insecurity, and sanity in this seemingly utterly insane world. To walk with Jesus, to finally fearlessly accept the love He so freely gives and share it with another is the greatest gift I've ever received and the truest reason and purpose for my being.
A Gratefully Recovering Alcoholic
a Gratefully recovering Alcoholic it often is said that we find our purpose in our problem. All recovered alcoholics do...Thank you...Armand
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